All Gods Chillin'

Iran's Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler Ayatollah Ali Khamenei "warned protesters of a crackdown" if they continue massive demonstrations demanding a new election.

Warned? What kind of theocratic bully state is this? Think ATF, SWAT or Delta units would put up with this shit? Ayatollah, please.

Khamenei added, "If the difference was 100,000 or 500,000 or 1 million, well, one may say fraud could have happened. But how can one rig 11 million votes?"

Clearly, Iran's ruling circles have a ways to go before refining their control. It also helps to have a population that is depoliticized, overfed, distracted, dazed and confused. Physically demanding political change is for people with no life. Instead of cutting off cell phones, Iranian statists should encourage the use of more personal toys. It might be risky in the short run, but over time their subjects will sink further into minutiae, staring at their reflections a la "Fahrenheit 451."

But I didn't crawl out of bed to give Iran's rulers population control tips. Today is Linky Friday, a guide to things other than what swirls inside my aching brain.

My close friend and old comedy partner Jim Buck has taken the big blog dive, offering up a four-part piece about Eddie Hatcher and the hidden history of Iran/contra. Jim was in the thick of all this back when it mattered, and it still haunts him -- as it should all of us, considering the grand crimes that went unpunished and were steadily erased from the national memory. Start at the bottom and read your way up. Jim knows his shit. He'll soon learn that tending a blog is never-ending, which is why the Good Lord invented YouTube.

I haven't kept up with the Letterman/Conan contest, so I don't know how it's affected each show's material, especially Conan's. But I found three bits from Conan's "Late Night" that I doubt he'd attempt at 11:35.

This is silly, conceptual stuff which slays me. Placing Abe Lincoln in weird situations has long been an easy, tired way to get laughs. But the lobster Jerry Lee Lewis and the Remorseful Fish Hook more than make up for that.



Here's a piece that should've sent Papal apologist William Donahue spitting into the lens, or maybe it did and I missed it. In any case, a funny segment, with Darth Jesus reminding all who's the boss.



This you may have already seen -- Techno Shatner. Speaks for itself. Repeatedly.



Still, as funny as Conan can be, he owes much of his comedy voice to David Letterman. I've discovered a veritable trove of old Letterman routines at YouTube, too many to post today, but these will set the proper mood.

First, "Kenny the Gardener," an attempt to re-brand Larry "Bud" Melman via hackneyed jokes and sound effects. Letterman's discomfort with the piece makes it that much funnier.



Then, "Dave's Record Collection." The cut from the "Cool Breeze" soundtrack is tasty. Found comedy at its finest.



Finally, Mel Cochita, "The Steve Martin of Peru." This is something that Conan himself would perform, before he had to woo Leno's audience. That's gotta be a rough, if lucrative, gig.