Democracy Staggers On
Dubbing himself the "Maestro of Mayhem," President Bush conducted "The Enhanced Interrogation Technique Symphony" with the Guantanamo Marching Band Saturday night, at times closing his eyes and imagining himself to be "one of them Transformers things," as the president put it, laughing and stomping on "invisible evildoers" while the invited audience stared on in silence.
In an effort to undercut youth support for Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton told a North Carolina girl that if Obama becomes president, he will rape her and her mother, then sell the two into prostitution, becoming their "Sweet Daddy Pimp."
John McCain swore on the Bible that if elected president, he would ensure that the little girl holding the Holy Book would see military action by her 18th birthday.
When asked what he thought of the two remaining Democratic candidates, Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman rose slightly and let a ripe one rip, to the delight of a prayer breakfast crowd.
Proving that he has the courage necessary to be Commander-In-Chief, Barack Obama stood under a tree in front of a large group of white people.
At a recent fundraiser for his wife, former President Bill Clinton raised nearly a quarter million dollars by showing appreciative campaign supporters that you don't have to be black to possess the equipment to lead.