Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Desolation Jam

Keep you doped with religion and sex and TV,
And you think you're so clever and classless and free,
But you're still fucking peasants as far as I can see.

Well, the bitter, alienated folk of Pennsylvania showed up that elitist Negro, handing working class hero Hillary a rousing if meaningless primary win. Not that Senator Slime will do the math and pack it in. Oh no. There's simply too much fun ahead to quit now. Hillary will continue to corrode the Dem party, throwing acid at Obama while affecting "leadership" poses. The Clintons never submit quietly, regardless of the odds. So prepare for more Hill, Bill and Chelsea as they further erode the ozone with their toxic, self-serving rhetoric. If politics is showbiz for the ugly, then this is the feature presentation.

Hillary recently padded her madness with talk of obliterating Iran in response to a fictional first-strike against Israel. That Iran lacks nukes and is nowhere near possessing them means nothing, nor does the idea that a nuclear-armed Iran would be suicidal enough to hit Israel to begin with. All that matters is for Hillary to appear genocidal, a vital character trait that U.S. presidents must display in order to be taken seriously. Hey, works for me, though I suspect that a President Hillary would warm up by attacking a few smaller, defenseless nations, just to get the blood pumping. Obliteration should never be served cold.

Thankfully, barring some bizarre twist of fate or unprecedented backstage political theft, we'll not see President Hillary waving her sabers. Still, give the ol' gal crazy style points. She clearly understands that for a significant chunk of Americana, mass murder can be a positive thing, so long as it beats the towelheads down and away from our precious fuel. I mean, what would we do without NASCAR?

Acting nuts on the military front comes at a perfect moment, what with the unsurprising news that in the past year, the Army and Marines enjoyed an 88% jump in convicted felon recruitment. Mix these cats in with the gangbangers already in Iraq and baby, you have the potential for some serious hadji-bashing action. Which is exactly what we currently need. Plus, given America's high incarceration rate, putting felons in uniform is actually a democratic gesture, acknowledgement that everyone, even those convicted of manslaughter and rape, deserve a chance to prove their patriotism. If you can sharpen a spoon into a deadly shiv, you can easily adapt to an M4 5.56mm Carbine. Perfect for anything that moves.

There's been criticism that Iraq-themed films like "Stop-Loss" and "Redacted" advance the stereotype of psychos in camo. Granted, there are sane, even-tempered, intelligent men and women in the military. I knew plenty when I wore fatigues. But the sad truth is, despite denials and fantasies to the contrary, that there are also a fair number of maladjusted types who are trained to kill, and I encountered my share of those as well.

Some of the truly twisted recruits are weeded out during Basic Training. (There was a guy in my platoon who, on the firing range, turned his M-60 toward a row of trees on his right, then squeezed off at least half a belt, killing maybe a dozen birds which fell from the splintered branches. "CEASE FIRE!" yelled one of our Drill Sergeants, and the guy was dragged off, never to be seen again -- although there were subsequent rumors that he was "readjusted" and groomed for Ranger school. Why not?) But many unstable recruits make it through, to be expected in a volunteer military, especially one straining to meet recruitment quotas. Given this, you might think that John McCain would make the perfect Commander-In-Chief. Yet there's something about Hillary that suggests she would be equally at home atop the military chain. She certainly talks the crazy talk.