Please Turn To Page 44 In Your Hymnal

Mount Hillary and The Saint, going toe-to-toe. Who best captures the transcendent American spirit? Who will become our much-needed mother/father leader?

The chills I get just thinking about it. Ain't democracy sweet?

Naturally, online liberals are writhing around in ecstasy, since the mule duel shows just how dynamic the Dems are, as opposed to the ossified GOP, which seems to be tilting toward a Grampy McCain nomination. Ha! Those addled, obsolete dopes! What more evidence does one need to see that the right wing nightmare is fading, soon to be replaced with something new, something bold, something sassy and fresh?

Oh, to be a Democrat in this dawn!

Of course, part of assembling the New Tomorrow is staking out permissible boundaries of discussion. Stanley Fish in the New York Times recently instructed us on the proper way to critique Hillary, assuming one must critique her at all. Party apparatchiks like Jane Hamsher immediately waved Fish's decree around, lest the poor, undefended Senator from New York suffer more sexist abuse from powerful, dark forces. Because if you despise Hillary Clinton, especially if you're male, all you're really showing is your fear of strong women. Conversely, if you distrust Saint Obama, and fail to fall to your knees as his rhetoric takes flight, you might be racist, or simply cynical and empty, incapable of understanding this spiritual moment in time.

Got it? Good. There'll be more lessons as the initial crusade winds down, culminating in the Denver coronation, where all doubts will be erased, all anxiety soothed, and the final, united march to the Promised Land begins. Aren't y'all excited?!