World Gone Oink

Never tell the truth, much less The Truth. Lower case truth makes people uncomfortable. Upper case Truth provokes riots, rampages, mass suicides, building demolitions, tsunamis, and rapid devaluation of currencies, save for the yen. Despite war, earthquakes, and crippling diseases, the Japanese find ways to survive. Except for Pink Lady. Man, was that one bad musical concept. Good riddance.

Most dictators are driven from power through bloodshed, but a few have abdicated with embarrassed shrugs and What was I thinking? History never notes those former strongmen. Lucius Brane of Madagascar. Colonel Qam of Java. Togo's Psycho Twins. What do they have to show for their peaceful resignations? Apart from billions stashed in offshore accounts?

Whenever you curse human stupidity, remember that you're human too. If that's too depressing, punch every person you encounter. If that's too dangerous, keep to yourself and drink. After a few shots, things won't seem so bad.

She asked if I could ever forgive her. I already did in my mind, but after admiring my crazy face in the mirror, I thought I'd stay "mad" for another hour. Why waste a good crazy face?

Shadow dog fighting spares canine lives, but it's pointless to bet on. Yet there's always a rube who picks the shadow. You feel bad taking his money until you remember that money buys commodities that bring pleasure to life. Then you remember that you're a Buddhist and that all life is suffering. You try to remember why you became a Buddhist in the first place. As you strain to remember, you run a red light and kill a pedestrian. You smile at the irony and hit the gas. Suffering at home beats suffering in prison.

My cousin jumped on the porch, lit firecrackers taped to his chest. POP POP POP. "I'm a suicide bomber!" he yelled, laughing. I didn't see the humor. He just ruined the sports shirt I bought for his birthday.

Will humanity survive this turbulent era? How should I know? I spent 20 years trying to save the whales. Humans are on their own.

Insanity is an acquired taste. And no, not like baby's blood. What's wrong with you?