Love You To Death

Brit bad girl scribe Julie Burchill, back in her heyday, slammed "We Are The World" as typical American narcissism, a faux plea for "a better day." It also set the tone for subsequent all star gatherings for charities du jour, where publicists battle to get their clients seen going to and from the studio, in which some maudlin sing-along is cranked out for the dead and dying. It's a feel good moment for celebs and their sucker fish, a "humanitarian" gold star on the resume. Meantime, nothing significant changes. The same power relationships resulting in more death, starvation and disease. Yawn.

Haiti's blood has nourished American narcissism, but hasn't been creatively stimulating. I suppose it's yet another sign of this dull ugly era where derivative junk is tossed to the throng, and few seem to know the difference, or more likely just don't care. I mean, another "We Are The World"? How fucking lazy is our "artistic" class? And I'm sure devastated Haitians will appreciate the effort shown by The Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus, Nicole Richie and . . . Vince Vaughn? Did I read that right? Wow. At least Dan Aykroyd, who sang on the original song, was a Blues Brother. Maybe Vaughn is prepping for a new project, Earthquake Crashers, where he and Owen Wilson exploit natural disasters in poor countries to nail native poon, but in the end learn a bit about themselves as well. "We Fuck The World" plays over the closing credits. Vaughn and Wilson tag-team the mike as poor but buxom women claw at their crotches. Old Glory unfurls during the guitar solo while cargo planes drop crates of Hungry Man frozen dinners to the grateful peasants.

Well, in the Director's Cut anyway.

Next: Wii Are The World -- gamers kill video thousands to save real world dozens. Playing Is Caring.