The Best Distraction

God bless Tiger Woods. Without his current scandal, we might have to focus on Afghanistan, and that won't do, not under a president with whom liberals are upset, but remain loyal to in the deepest sense, hopeful that Obama will eventually, if reluctantly, reveal his inner-humanitarian, even if it takes another term to find it.

For the moment, Tiger has relieved us of that, though I think that as a celebrity of color, he offers Obama a juicy example to follow. Because there's no doubt that Obama is a prime pussy magnet -- all ages, all types, alone or in groups. A conga line of willing mistresses.

You kidding me? JFK's ghost weeps over Obama's pussy potential. Bill Clinton pushes his dick between his legs in shame. Hell, Obama could get Bill to rim him with a reach-around under a fireworks display. That's how much power our beloved president has. But does he use it? Fuck no. He'd rather sublimate his sexiness by expanding the Afghan abattoir. Worse, he's the one doing the sucking, in this case, corporate cock. Obama's allowing his career guide him rather than the reverse. Some people you simply can't help.

Tiger clearly had no problem in this department. He embraced his power and employed it accordingly. That's what mega-rich celebs do. That's why so many Americans envy and wish to live among them. You can, in theory, get away with pretty much anything. But it seems that Tiger's eyes were too big for his bed (and his couch, his bathroom, his entryway, his hat closet . . .). Plus, when you have it all like Tiger does, envy and hatred ensure a hard fall. Given the number of women he fucked, I'm amazed he avoided detection this long. As Michael O'Donoghue once told me, being rich is one thing, but screw being famous. This merely puts you in the crosshairs, fresh carrion for the culture to ravage.

What does this all mean? Fuck if I know. I just watch these spectacles from my humble perch, trusting that our owners haven't completely lost their minds, setting the sky aflame. All else is lumpy gravy.