Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Who Needs The Fourth Amendment

What's John McCain hiding in his fist?

Health care reform?

New tactics in the War on Terror?

A tax cut for those who make over $250K a year?

A piece of taffy?

His sanity?

Your nose?

You'll have to vote for him to find out!

John McCain: He's full of secrets!

Hoping to ease their anxieties about voting for an African-American, Barack Obama has begun telling "off color" jokes, to the delight of older white men.

In an effort to win over Jewish voters, John McCain this week introduced a new character, Crazy Uncle Sol. "So vote for the schvartze and get heartburn already. I should care?"

To illustrate his "Change you can believe in" campaign theme, Barack Obama assures an American serviceman that under an Obama administration, his dismemberment and grisly death will have meaning.

To broaden his electoral appeal, John McCain sings "The Yellow Rose Of Texas" to an undecided longhorn.

Barack Obama had a close call last week, when he was surrounded and nearly devoured by flesh-eating zombies.

The Secret Service rescued the Democratic candidate, but not before one of the zombies tore off and later ate a piece of Obama's thigh.

In addition to their Fall debates, Barack Obama and John McCain will hold a "Who Looks More Bad Ass" stare-off contest.

A lover of humorous polemic, Barack Obama not only admitted to reading "Savage Mules," he bought five copies for his closest advisers.

Get with the winning team. Buy your copy of "Savage Mules" today. It's rage you can believe in.