Wednesday, September 2, 2009

God Shed His Grace Ennui

To demonstrate his determination to win the Afghan war, President Obama began eating his hand --

Delighting his liberal supporters.

Doing her part to support the president and fight retarded racism, Janeane Garofalo repeatedly punctured her arm with a staple gun.

Vice President Biden broke free of his security detail to harangue a group of tourists who hadn't heard about the first time he met Ted Kennedy.

In an effort to raise money for her inevitable presidential campaign, Sarah Palin is charging middle-aged white men $10,000 to embrace "the full Sarah" for 20 seconds. So far, Palin has raised over $3 million, all from the same guy.

Shock comic Glenn Beck claims that Obama used the communist CIA to remove his eyes and sell them to North Korea. Here Beck does his Kim Jong Il impression.

Despite suffering massive burns from a US air strike on her Afghan village, nine-year-old Nadia Sahar urged American liberals to not protest President Obama's war, as it might hurt his re-election chances.

Heeding Nadia's plea, liberals immediately showed their solidarity.