Friday, September 28, 2007

Page Sicks

We hear that Andrew Sullivan's and Eric Alterman's egos are a regular item. Sez a close friend of Alterman's, "Eric's always admired Andrew's pomposity, and Andrew finds Eric's haughtiness stimulating. It transcends their political differences, which actually was a lot of online flirting and foreplay." The two egos will soon vacation together in the Virgin Islands.

Liberal wonk Josh Marshall apparently gets his political insights from the numerous stacks of yellowing newspapers and magazines in his office. "Josh will physically dive into a random stack," sez an assistant, "then, whatever article falls open, he rewrites and updates." Sometimes, however, Marshall loses focus. "He once stated that Wilbur Mills was in favor of the Military Commissions Act, even though Mills died in 1992. There was no more stack diving that day!"

Charles Johnson, proprietor of Little Green Footballs, will now encourage and allow insects to comment on his site. "It's a natural alliance," sez Chaz. "Insects are cold, calculating creatures who do not hesitate to kill. Let's crawl!"

Salon blogger Glenn Greenwald is apparently an automaton, according to a source at the liberal site. "He's programmed to write incredibly long posts that repeat themselves every few sentences," sez the source. "He was an experiment that caught on with liberals before we could fine tune him."

National Review Corner reg Jonah Goldberg passes time between posts shooting interns with a pellet gun. "It's really distracting," sez one NRO staffer. "You'll suddenly feel this sharp sting in your back, followed by Jonah yelling 'Another martyr for Allah!' Then he laughs to himself for like twenty minutes." Goldberg isn't the only Corner joker. Kathryn Jean Lopez will don a burka and run through the offices, asking male staffers to behead her for eating pork. "It was kinda funny the first time," adds the staffer, "but now it's just irritating."

Conservative law professor-blogger Ann Althouse traipsing down lower Broadway in a long purple feather boa, asking tourists to snap her picture . . . Retired liberal blogger Billmon at an internet cafe, staring off into space . . . West coast liberal blogger Digby berating a Best Buy worker for showing Fox News on the plasma screens . . . Slate's Christopher Hitchens, wearing a soiled lobster bib, arguing about the Iraq war with a homeless woman. . .