Soap Impression Salsa
Sweet savior in heavy syrup, how I love the final days of a presidential campaign. Anything goes, all cards on the table. Well, not every card. Regardless of a candidate's desperation, certain cards remain hidden, even if in plain sight. We're God's chosen, after all. Still, there's plenty to enjoy, especially when you realize how twisted the entire production is. That's its beauty, its essential charm.
Reactionaries are poking Obama's supposed Weather connection, Bill Ayers, who along with other privileged white youths back in the day, including his wife Bernadine Dohrn, pretended he was a Vietnamese guerrilla, destroying state property, sending fuck you tapes to the media, and related noise. Presumably this will scare wavering white voters into ratifying McCain, who was on the other side of the Vietnamese question, heroically bombing heavily-populated areas of Hanoi. It might. Doubtless plenty of white folk remain nervous about seeing a black man become The Man, so the added horror tale may push them over the edge. But anyone who actually believes that Obama is a Muslim commie traitor doesn't need the Weather report. They have plenty to work with already.
To me, Obama's friendship with Ayers and Dohrn means that once he rubbed shoulders with amateur bombers, but now pines for the Real Fucking Deal. As president, Obama will have access to weapons that ancient radicals could only imagine while tripping. Better, he's free to use them, hell, expected to use them, and I have complete confidence that Obama will do just that. Instead of mailing cryptic messages to the media, he'll announce his murderous intentions on international television and all over the Web. So Obama palled around with people who blew up parts of empty buildings. If you desire to be the imperial manager, you gotta start somewhere.
I think McCain's backers are doing this all wrong. Instead of demonizing Obama's relationship, they should emphasize how pathetic the Weather Underground was compared to a real murderer like McCain. The ad practically writes itself.
NARRATOR: Barack Obama's friend Bill Ayers once belonged to a group that bombed public buildings. But how many people did Ayers actually kill? Based on the evidence, the answer is ZERO. That's right -- not a single dead body. Sorry Senator Obama. If you want to be president, you'll have to find a more violent group of friends.
John McCain. He's killed before, and he'll kill again.
Maybe it's time for McCain whip out Gooky, the severed Vietnamese head he rubs for good luck. Sarah Palin's nicer to look at, but no matter how many animals she shoots, the ex-beauty contestant cannot top Gooky, symbolically or politically -- except maybe in the swimsuit competition.
If you need further evidence that the Dems will use anything to win this election, simply consult Ohio Democratic Party chief Chris Redfern, who recently said that the financial meltdown may be terrible for the nation, but "politically it's advantageous" for Obama. You might lose your home and your savings, but isn't that a small price to pay to elect President Change? That he and Joe Biden supported the bailout, siding with those stealing your money, is minor compared to the larger mission. When Obama goes through your pockets, it's a smooth, welcome sensation, so unlike that creepy John McCain, who rips your pants while laughing maniacally, halitosis stinging your eyes. The path to pleasurable ruin is clear.